The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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