I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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