How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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