he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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