so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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