Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
