Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
