Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
