dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
