I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
