i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
