I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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