i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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