my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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