You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
