Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
