apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
