his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
