how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
