I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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