so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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