To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
