You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
