Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Randomize
