oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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