We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Randomize
