do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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