took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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