And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
