i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Randomize
