My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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