i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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