I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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