you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Randomize
