I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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