i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
