im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Randomize
