she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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