One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
