take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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