Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
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