The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
