I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Sex in the backyard? Check.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
