I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
is it fun? or sober?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
