i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
