You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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