I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
