At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
