I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
My ATM looks so different sober.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
