Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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