It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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