You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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