i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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