Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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