she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
